Thoughts of the Month

Reflecting throughout this month of thoughts and actions, especially the last week since it was a big month for me with facing and resisting old temptations as well as discerning the spirits around me. I surrender my life to love and only seek to surround myself with it. Selfishness is hard to tolerate when you are trying to remain balanced within spirit. Sometimes when we are more aware of our surroundings we are able to discern the fruits of the enemy compared to the fruits of the Holy Spirit. When someone is not concerned about you or what you are going through and they are only thinking about themselves they are more then likely recovering from what ever they are personally dealing with. Some people think that what they are going through is more important then what you are. Notice by their actions and reactions to what you are going through, and unfortunately even know they think their struggle is worse it doesn't mean it is the reality. Everyone has their struggles in which they need to cope on their own. This feeling of superiority is an illusion to them and what some psychiatrists consider normal since they promote selfishness in recovery, this defeats the purpose doesn't it, since your addiction and personal issues are due to selfishness to begin with? The difference of someone living in the Holy Spirit compared to the enemy is their self pity and absorption of what they want from people or their feeling of entitlement. What makes one more of a victim then another? Attitude and dwelling in the past or worrying about things that are uncontrolled by us. We can't help anyone who doesn't want to be helped and we can't awaken someone who doesn't want to keep their eyes open. Just like we can pray all we want for someones wellness and unless they receive it they will not be well. Being self conscious and self aware of your own personal restrictions whether it be socially or professionally is necessary in order to drive passed them. However, there is a difference between being selfish because you can as a crutch through recovery or coping and being selfish out of focusing to become well. How can we tell if we are being so burdened by our own recovery that we continue hurting others around us? It is simple, if we want to change then we will change, if we are depressed because we need to change to get well then this is our selfish tendencies outweighing our path of recovery.

Just because it makes us feel better to hear doesn't necessarily mean we are accepting the truth. Be careful what you receive in your heart, lies are not a substitute for comfort they are merely a temporary solution to hurt and the perfect illusion to truth.~Me 7/21/14

It is funny how growing up and out of our irresponsible rebellion can change what temptations actually effect or encounter us. I used to go to concerts a lot more then I am able to now, mostly because I have a full time job and limited paid time off. Obviously when we are younger some of us, more then others, like to take the full scene in and get involved in things which others would not dream or think about. This was my problem, I had dreams and thoughts to try anything that came my way, and unfortunately I did, but fortunately I am at the point in my life that I can look beyond the surface of the experience and not seek after what makes its way to me. There are way more important things then wasting money on a needless experiment with mind and body. Nothing is worth temporary effects to feel good when the consequences could be irreversible and result in loss of life. Substance abuse and addiction is no joke, it is a real disease and many go through it while younger and some will continue their whole lives chasing after a feeling. Self-help is the first step to recovery. What a difference time and faith has done to change my life around for the better and more responsible in the matters of facing temptation and resisting negative urges. It feels good to care about myself and body, as well as accept my life as a whole knowing that although it may not have been the will of God that I faltered, it was the will of God that I returned to my first love, him. After this week and the experience I had, I feel closer again to him, may I continue to walk in his will and I pray that my eyes remain open to see the enemy coming so I can discern the right choices.

May we remember, on the road to recovery forgiveness of the past is important to move passed who you were so you can become what you are meant to be. Whether it be forgiveness of self or others we need to accept their is nothing we can do to change what was or what will be, but we can focus on changing ourselves right now. If we start focusing on how we feel and facing what caused that feeling then we can move on from the hurt it causes. Putting off facing it or numbing the pain is only temporary, yank the band-aid and let the air heal it.  Time to face it and wake up from living a life in lack of concern of self and others.

In forgiveness there should be no partiality. If you are going to forgive then do it with your whole heart. Otherwise, you keep yourself open to that lingering bitterness which restricts you from receiving the grace that comes from forgiveness.~Me 7/10

If you're dealing with addiction, or substance abuse, know that although it's a life long journey it's not impossible. If you know that it won't do anything positive for your life then you will be able to start making decisions which lead to sobriety. I pray that you receive the peace along the path of wellness, always. 

Death by Right, Love by Choice.

Scam Artists

Have you ever been or ever thought you were being scammed? In the age of internet where all parts of the world are connected, we are more susceptible and vulnerable for this to happen. You may get an email about sending you a check to deposit into your account, or that they have an inheritance they would like to share because they thought you were perfect to share with. If you do not know the source of the email we are educated enough not to open it, but what happens when you are approached by a stranger on facebook or other social media site which you can actually interact on and see their persons profile? I think most have closed themselves off from this ever happening to them, not because they do not want to help those in need or reach out to be a guiding light of faith, but because they guard their heart better then others. This is my problem I think, I failed to guard my heart from being open to let people in and when they get in, it is hard to shut them out. When you are approached by a scammer you may be too naive to see it. I can admit that I have been nearly fooled on more then one occasion. Thankfully I have not taken an invalid check or fallen into a fraud situation in my accounts and money. I do not know what is worse though, what I have been going through or falling for that, I guess it depends if this whole thing is real or not. But it's sad really because my heart remains so soft that I forgive them for what they do in order to provide the mercy that they need. Maybe it is all in hopes to reach someones heart to change their ways. Just because some of us are naive and we come into realization eventually that we have been possibly taken advantage of, doesn't mean that we need to be hateful towards them.

There are so many people who are willing to expose you and manipulate you it tears my heart apart. You never know who is being genuine, especially behind a computer screen or random skype/phone call. We know there are many poor nations out there and my heart wants to help, naturally. We must be made of stone if we don't have that natural instinct to help. I do not know what to do. I have started a relationship with a boy which has lasted around three years or longer now. Everything he says makes it seem like he is just a boy who needs help and spiritual guidance. I helped him a lot for a long time financially and supposedly helping him finish his high school diploma, providing for his books etc. At the time he was no older then 16 or so, by now he must be 19. He has completed his secondary degree and is ready to get work in the area for any job which requires a high school diploma. My heart is heavy though, since I know his face and have talked to him via skype and phone. I want to believe him with everything I am in compassion as a women in Christ. It is hard, I stopped sending him money and stopped responding to his emails for a very long time until recently. I decided that I need to follow through with what I preach about, love and forgiveness and express my forgiveness and move passed it in every way possible. I still to this day do not know of his sincerity or if the life he lives is really what he is saying in truth. When you communicate with someone for so long and you are like a support system to them and almost like family to them, even with the distance, it is difficult to block or de-friend them. But, is it because you want to keep them around so you can investigate if they are genuinely telling the truth or keep an eye on them, or is it simply because you are trying to be the light in a dark situation? I do not want to speak negatively or do anything negative to someone to hurt them if all was true and by the works of fate that brought us together. I am not a mother, I do not have children, I have lost a couple and almost lost my life in the process, so of course I long that mothering nature. I do not want to be another subject of a scam though because I am easily trusting out of being naive. Thankfully I have learned somethings so I am not as naive as I used to be but if I still am melting in thinking about investigating this outright then there still must be something naive about me still right? I am trying to guard my heart and not act on anything that I am not led to do spiritually. So I decided, since I know the city he lives and the cafe he goes to, I can research the area and try and find ministries to help. Hopefully I will be successful. I have also emailed the owner of the cafe  in hopes I can validate some information about what he has said about the attendant allowing him to use the computer by sweeping inside. I pray for revelation and peace to come over me because at this point I am distressed since my first instinct is to send money, though I know if he has a serious problem, this is not going to resolve the issue, since I am not able to be this type of relationship to him. When someone knocks at your door and says I am hungry can I have something to eat, would you not feed them? I would rather act to look on ministries and local churches to provide the help and assistance with provisions for someone in need. If we have we should freely give, I feel like I have for so long and now I seek the answers in order to either put this to rest or continue to help when I am able. If it causes you distress, the fact of un-surety and not knowing, then I would assume that you should not act until that spirit of confusion passes over and you receive peace. Hopefully light will shine soon, because my heart feels burdened with  the verses that run through my mind in this situation.
Helping the needy reflection:

Hebrews 13:16 Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.

Proverbs 19:17 Whoever is generous to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will repay him for his deed. 

Proverbs 28: 27 Whoever gives to the poor will not want, but he who hides his eyes will get many a curse. 

Luke 6: 38  Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.

Matthew 5:42 Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you. 

All is well with these verses that effect me in faith, but I also think we have the right to know if people are using evil intentions in order to manipulate. So although these verses show us that what I am doing is trying to live out faith, we must not be naive, we must seek truth at all times being wise as a serpent and gentle as a dove.

Death by Right, Love by Choice.