Outcast

There are times where we all may feel outcast. I know virtually we are all connected to the point where there is limited privacy and there are people who you do not know from all over the world who talk to you, no one knows a strangers intentions. Some may be trying to manipulate you to send them money by telling false sob stories and others try to use you to push you to the limit of what you would do. For example, they may ask you questions about the culture so they can talk down on it which can bring them feeling of superiority, they may ask you about coming to the country, try to talk sweet to you in order to get over here, or even have the nerve to ask if you will marry them for a green card. These strangers that flow abundantly into our pool of followers and friend requests may even just be trying to talk to you perversely because they think american culture is all about sex and not morals yet they are the ones who are seeking seduction, and speaking about what their flesh desires. Ultimately, when we choose to share ourselves as an open book we need to be prepared for the judgement that comes along with it. The world has many different cultures and they are often divided among each other with no unity to the next causing tension instead of a peaceful sojourning together. If people don't understand the way another nation's culture is and their answers typically come from the internet and seeing what we all post noticing there are major differences between each family then it is very likely that perception will remain with little interest of seeking truth. I could go on and on about the American culture since it is such a broad topic and quite controversial, but this is a post about feeling outcast.

Sometimes when there is silence with the people who are closest to you, when they don't talk to you for a day or more it can get lonely when you are single, or even in a relationship with someone. This loneliness has been known to bring us down or maybe to a state of depression. Not meeting and making friends in the work place makes some days a dreadful experience going in since you can feel purposely ignored or left out. I try to focus on the fact that I am not there to make friends I am here as a whole to live with purpose and be a shining light for others to notice. Eventually though, the silence can make you feel like no body is there for you, to support you or keep you accountable and you have no where to turn for guidance or incite to excel beyond the position you are in. Just because people in the world, friends, family or other supposed like minded acquaintances do not talk to you everyday or leave you out and it makes you feel lonely, it does not mean that you are alone or unloved. Actually it can mean quite the opposite. As I always encouraged my fiance, before he passed, since often he felt like he was not liked or unloved, an unpopular man to people is a blessed and holy man as he walks in justice and seeks righteousness. It is "Ok" to feel separate and different from others, especially when your heart is in the right place, showing love and compassion. I try to reassure myself of this since I know there is nothing "wrong" with me, I am beautifully made and a product of my parents unconditional love and the suffering I have overcome. I understand, since I go through and battle my thoughts everyday on this subject how burdening it can be, to not feel favored or blessed with attention. We all need nurturing to grow and some more then others but it should not take the attention from people, bad or good, in order to feel like we are loved. We need to remember Love is something that is within and all around us and we must know it is in order to feel fulfilled by it. We may enjoy the love of others surrounding us but we do not need their love to live. Often we confuse the way we feel whether it be hurt, or in emotional bliss with love. We place all these labels on feelings, when it is many different emotions through energy to different people. I can say one thing, and the next person may say another, but ultimately we all know that love feels good because it is all good and it is all around us. If it doesn't feel right to us, and it brings us sorrow, pain, and/or injustice then we can assume that love is not behind it.

When Lee (my said husband) was alive he shared to me who I was to him in love. To my excitement, which is rare to me, it was a bible verse (my first love). I would like to share this with you because I think it outlines it very well, and too this day, knowing I was all this to him, fulfills me as a women in Christ. I will always love him and who he was and I know that love will live on for eternity through the promises of what it is because love grows and does not diminish or perish. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Death by Right, Love by Choice.

After the fast

Fasting is always a difficult start since at first you want to do what you set out to fast from. My hardest and most depressing day of any type of fast is the first day. Maybe it is because you are setting up to wait for the signal to break it and are anticipating how long it could actually be until you are able to. I took some notes on the fast and I had some trying times as well as some temptations I had to overcome. Obviously no one is perfect and I am only human so although I know that I was not completely successful in everything that came for me I know that I did pretty well for growth in becoming through a contrite heart. Some trials are easier to take on then others. I think the most difficult one while I was away from all social media over 30 days was the pain that has overcome me physically.

In 2005 I was involved in a head on collision going to work early morning and a women did not turn through the curve and instead went straight over the line into me at 50MPH or so. This caused my car to hit a guard rail and flip multiple times landing on my roof. I was able to crawl out of my car safely to the edge of the road and call someone. In the midst of all this it was like I became paralyzed and unable to move so I laid down to wait for the paramedics. This crash has set me up for a life long chronic back issue which is very disabling when it acts up. Doctors are able to keep it under control with epidural injections as well as nerve blocking shots so that I can continue to work and not have to continue on disability. If I couldn't work, I would go crazy. Work besides school are the only disciplines I know at this point besides reading the bible each day. Anyway I was able to go to New York to visit my parents who I haven't seen for 17 months and since I lost my fiance to a heart condition. It is a pretty long drive from North Carolina to the Finger Lakes area and I was a passenger to my lovely sister and her husband. My back had enough, and nerve pain shoots down to my foot throbbing continuously. At moments there was relief but this has definitely been the worst since that day in the accident. I have been going to specialists for years now and seek out a more permanent solution maybe to prolong the inevitable fact that I could wake up paralyzed one day if it does not get addressed.

Point is whatever you fast from brings you enlightenment and revelation to other things and most of the time multiple things you may have never thought of unless you were disciplined enough to follow through. I enjoyed the time away, although I missed posting each day and wondered how many people would be gone out of my path by the time I returned, I know that it brought me peace in the reason why I did it in the first place, hurtful posts.



Death by Right, Love by Choice.

Social Media Fast

With all the hustle bustle in the world and people always rushing around, we need to take a moment to reflect sometimes. It's an on the go society with everything at our fingertips. Always so pressured with what to be like and not to be like. Even if someone says they want you to be yourself, think about it, they really don't. As hard as that may be to swallow, too bad it's true. Anything that you do that someone can't agree with or understand they will ultimately deny or turn away from. So, I decided today I will start a fast away from all connected drama that life has become. Here and now where privacy is the past and all dirty laundry is on the line if you put it there or where you can become somebody great to complete strangers. Some days I feel like somebody great because those kind strangers give me a reason to, but sadly those who I have known and thought I was closer to have given me reason not to. After realizing, and maybe thinking too much, it has come to my attention that I am my bestfriend because I am who will be there even when the cellphone doesn't ring or give me a notification that I was waiting for. Silence has become something I have learned I need to endure. By embracing this solitude I can feel something peaceful and fulfilling. Lets face it, silence does not always mean peace. It seems like when its quiet there is more time to get wrapped up in thoughts. Since we are the only ones with our thoughts at any given moment, we are the only ones who can turn them around or be consumed by them to manifest a feeling. All of the attention given to others over self could be more focused on self and bring us much needed fulfilling revelation. How have we become so dependent on the internet that we are so absorbed in devices scrolling images and statuses of not so well thought out thoughts? Life is boring because we are becoming lazier not because there is nothing better we could be doing with our time then to sit and post. Today I'm going to make it a point to step away, it's been 5 days away from Facebook and today I extend it around all the networks. I will be taking notes and updating my progress, in the end. Not sure how long I will be led to do this but I will continue as long as I feel is necessary.

Thanks to all of you who do support me mentally, and emotionly. Love and peace. See you around. <3

#SocialMediaFast