Outcast

There are times where we all may feel outcast. I know virtually we are all connected to the point where there is limited privacy and there are people who you do not know from all over the world who talk to you, no one knows a strangers intentions. Some may be trying to manipulate you to send them money by telling false sob stories and others try to use you to push you to the limit of what you would do. For example, they may ask you questions about the culture so they can talk down on it which can bring them feeling of superiority, they may ask you about coming to the country, try to talk sweet to you in order to get over here, or even have the nerve to ask if you will marry them for a green card. These strangers that flow abundantly into our pool of followers and friend requests may even just be trying to talk to you perversely because they think american culture is all about sex and not morals yet they are the ones who are seeking seduction, and speaking about what their flesh desires. Ultimately, when we choose to share ourselves as an open book we need to be prepared for the judgement that comes along with it. The world has many different cultures and they are often divided among each other with no unity to the next causing tension instead of a peaceful sojourning together. If people don't understand the way another nation's culture is and their answers typically come from the internet and seeing what we all post noticing there are major differences between each family then it is very likely that perception will remain with little interest of seeking truth. I could go on and on about the American culture since it is such a broad topic and quite controversial, but this is a post about feeling outcast.

Sometimes when there is silence with the people who are closest to you, when they don't talk to you for a day or more it can get lonely when you are single, or even in a relationship with someone. This loneliness has been known to bring us down or maybe to a state of depression. Not meeting and making friends in the work place makes some days a dreadful experience going in since you can feel purposely ignored or left out. I try to focus on the fact that I am not there to make friends I am here as a whole to live with purpose and be a shining light for others to notice. Eventually though, the silence can make you feel like no body is there for you, to support you or keep you accountable and you have no where to turn for guidance or incite to excel beyond the position you are in. Just because people in the world, friends, family or other supposed like minded acquaintances do not talk to you everyday or leave you out and it makes you feel lonely, it does not mean that you are alone or unloved. Actually it can mean quite the opposite. As I always encouraged my fiance, before he passed, since often he felt like he was not liked or unloved, an unpopular man to people is a blessed and holy man as he walks in justice and seeks righteousness. It is "Ok" to feel separate and different from others, especially when your heart is in the right place, showing love and compassion. I try to reassure myself of this since I know there is nothing "wrong" with me, I am beautifully made and a product of my parents unconditional love and the suffering I have overcome. I understand, since I go through and battle my thoughts everyday on this subject how burdening it can be, to not feel favored or blessed with attention. We all need nurturing to grow and some more then others but it should not take the attention from people, bad or good, in order to feel like we are loved. We need to remember Love is something that is within and all around us and we must know it is in order to feel fulfilled by it. We may enjoy the love of others surrounding us but we do not need their love to live. Often we confuse the way we feel whether it be hurt, or in emotional bliss with love. We place all these labels on feelings, when it is many different emotions through energy to different people. I can say one thing, and the next person may say another, but ultimately we all know that love feels good because it is all good and it is all around us. If it doesn't feel right to us, and it brings us sorrow, pain, and/or injustice then we can assume that love is not behind it.

When Lee (my said husband) was alive he shared to me who I was to him in love. To my excitement, which is rare to me, it was a bible verse (my first love). I would like to share this with you because I think it outlines it very well, and too this day, knowing I was all this to him, fulfills me as a women in Christ. I will always love him and who he was and I know that love will live on for eternity through the promises of what it is because love grows and does not diminish or perish. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Death by Right, Love by Choice.

Social Media Fast

With all the hustle bustle in the world and people always rushing around, we need to take a moment to reflect sometimes. It's an on the go society with everything at our fingertips. Always so pressured with what to be like and not to be like. Even if someone says they want you to be yourself, think about it, they really don't. As hard as that may be to swallow, too bad it's true. Anything that you do that someone can't agree with or understand they will ultimately deny or turn away from. So, I decided today I will start a fast away from all connected drama that life has become. Here and now where privacy is the past and all dirty laundry is on the line if you put it there or where you can become somebody great to complete strangers. Some days I feel like somebody great because those kind strangers give me a reason to, but sadly those who I have known and thought I was closer to have given me reason not to. After realizing, and maybe thinking too much, it has come to my attention that I am my bestfriend because I am who will be there even when the cellphone doesn't ring or give me a notification that I was waiting for. Silence has become something I have learned I need to endure. By embracing this solitude I can feel something peaceful and fulfilling. Lets face it, silence does not always mean peace. It seems like when its quiet there is more time to get wrapped up in thoughts. Since we are the only ones with our thoughts at any given moment, we are the only ones who can turn them around or be consumed by them to manifest a feeling. All of the attention given to others over self could be more focused on self and bring us much needed fulfilling revelation. How have we become so dependent on the internet that we are so absorbed in devices scrolling images and statuses of not so well thought out thoughts? Life is boring because we are becoming lazier not because there is nothing better we could be doing with our time then to sit and post. Today I'm going to make it a point to step away, it's been 5 days away from Facebook and today I extend it around all the networks. I will be taking notes and updating my progress, in the end. Not sure how long I will be led to do this but I will continue as long as I feel is necessary.

Thanks to all of you who do support me mentally, and emotionly. Love and peace. See you around. <3

#SocialMediaFast

Friendship and Anger

Reflecting on how so many people in this world just don't know how or when to let go after years of something that was not that big of a deal in the first place. In addition, that had nothing more to do with the fact that the person may have been dealing with social awkwardness and a possible severe mental condition that resulted in destructive behavior. Like many, I have made some shotty choices in my life and it has reflected friendships that simply weren't strong enough to handle the bumps along the way. I find most will hold onto anger and be in your life now simply to watch you fail for their own joy to be fulfilled. I don't think anything justifies purposely hurting someone who may have hurt you unknowingly or even knowingly in the past. To have a more fulfilling life, it is necessary to "Let go and let God" because karma is always the result of someone purposely doing something to someone else or bad intentions altogether. You should not be friends with someone you do not like or think you are better than and I find this is the result of American culture. People will be friends with someone just because their lives are not as "Great" as theirs because of their complex or competitive nature, so they feel better about their own. I guess whatever makes you strive to be successful can be your own pride which does not necessarily come from the best intentions or focus on the feelings of others. "Success" may not be something that runs in a lot of families but this is something that we need to ask: What is "Success" to them? Maybe they feel that they are successful for holding a job and raising a family where as others success derives from money and material things. Who knows? All I can reflect and be grateful for are those who do care for my wellness and unconditionally love me despite the childish nature of what love and fun used to be to me. Unlike many, I would not expect people to feel sorry for me when I know I made the bed I lay in everyday and would never use my unfortunate past or mental condition to get attention. Common people will serve money and government and not God in this Nation. The idea of what America should be and what it has become is so off base, somewhere between slavery and war the "dream" got off track. There is enough negativity that holds me down everyday and would rather not have pity be one of them. May I ignore those who find it so easy to ignore me and move past those who do not forgive or understand because these are the truly unfortunate. Here are two reflections of photos I snapped in addition to quotes added.

Death by Right, Love by Choice.