Thoughts of the Month

Reflecting throughout this month of thoughts and actions, especially the last week since it was a big month for me with facing and resisting old temptations as well as discerning the spirits around me. I surrender my life to love and only seek to surround myself with it. Selfishness is hard to tolerate when you are trying to remain balanced within spirit. Sometimes when we are more aware of our surroundings we are able to discern the fruits of the enemy compared to the fruits of the Holy Spirit. When someone is not concerned about you or what you are going through and they are only thinking about themselves they are more then likely recovering from what ever they are personally dealing with. Some people think that what they are going through is more important then what you are. Notice by their actions and reactions to what you are going through, and unfortunately even know they think their struggle is worse it doesn't mean it is the reality. Everyone has their struggles in which they need to cope on their own. This feeling of superiority is an illusion to them and what some psychiatrists consider normal since they promote selfishness in recovery, this defeats the purpose doesn't it, since your addiction and personal issues are due to selfishness to begin with? The difference of someone living in the Holy Spirit compared to the enemy is their self pity and absorption of what they want from people or their feeling of entitlement. What makes one more of a victim then another? Attitude and dwelling in the past or worrying about things that are uncontrolled by us. We can't help anyone who doesn't want to be helped and we can't awaken someone who doesn't want to keep their eyes open. Just like we can pray all we want for someones wellness and unless they receive it they will not be well. Being self conscious and self aware of your own personal restrictions whether it be socially or professionally is necessary in order to drive passed them. However, there is a difference between being selfish because you can as a crutch through recovery or coping and being selfish out of focusing to become well. How can we tell if we are being so burdened by our own recovery that we continue hurting others around us? It is simple, if we want to change then we will change, if we are depressed because we need to change to get well then this is our selfish tendencies outweighing our path of recovery.

Just because it makes us feel better to hear doesn't necessarily mean we are accepting the truth. Be careful what you receive in your heart, lies are not a substitute for comfort they are merely a temporary solution to hurt and the perfect illusion to truth.~Me 7/21/14

It is funny how growing up and out of our irresponsible rebellion can change what temptations actually effect or encounter us. I used to go to concerts a lot more then I am able to now, mostly because I have a full time job and limited paid time off. Obviously when we are younger some of us, more then others, like to take the full scene in and get involved in things which others would not dream or think about. This was my problem, I had dreams and thoughts to try anything that came my way, and unfortunately I did, but fortunately I am at the point in my life that I can look beyond the surface of the experience and not seek after what makes its way to me. There are way more important things then wasting money on a needless experiment with mind and body. Nothing is worth temporary effects to feel good when the consequences could be irreversible and result in loss of life. Substance abuse and addiction is no joke, it is a real disease and many go through it while younger and some will continue their whole lives chasing after a feeling. Self-help is the first step to recovery. What a difference time and faith has done to change my life around for the better and more responsible in the matters of facing temptation and resisting negative urges. It feels good to care about myself and body, as well as accept my life as a whole knowing that although it may not have been the will of God that I faltered, it was the will of God that I returned to my first love, him. After this week and the experience I had, I feel closer again to him, may I continue to walk in his will and I pray that my eyes remain open to see the enemy coming so I can discern the right choices.

May we remember, on the road to recovery forgiveness of the past is important to move passed who you were so you can become what you are meant to be. Whether it be forgiveness of self or others we need to accept their is nothing we can do to change what was or what will be, but we can focus on changing ourselves right now. If we start focusing on how we feel and facing what caused that feeling then we can move on from the hurt it causes. Putting off facing it or numbing the pain is only temporary, yank the band-aid and let the air heal it.  Time to face it and wake up from living a life in lack of concern of self and others.

In forgiveness there should be no partiality. If you are going to forgive then do it with your whole heart. Otherwise, you keep yourself open to that lingering bitterness which restricts you from receiving the grace that comes from forgiveness.~Me 7/10

If you're dealing with addiction, or substance abuse, know that although it's a life long journey it's not impossible. If you know that it won't do anything positive for your life then you will be able to start making decisions which lead to sobriety. I pray that you receive the peace along the path of wellness, always. 

Death by Right, Love by Choice.

Friendship and Anger

Reflecting on how so many people in this world just don't know how or when to let go after years of something that was not that big of a deal in the first place. In addition, that had nothing more to do with the fact that the person may have been dealing with social awkwardness and a possible severe mental condition that resulted in destructive behavior. Like many, I have made some shotty choices in my life and it has reflected friendships that simply weren't strong enough to handle the bumps along the way. I find most will hold onto anger and be in your life now simply to watch you fail for their own joy to be fulfilled. I don't think anything justifies purposely hurting someone who may have hurt you unknowingly or even knowingly in the past. To have a more fulfilling life, it is necessary to "Let go and let God" because karma is always the result of someone purposely doing something to someone else or bad intentions altogether. You should not be friends with someone you do not like or think you are better than and I find this is the result of American culture. People will be friends with someone just because their lives are not as "Great" as theirs because of their complex or competitive nature, so they feel better about their own. I guess whatever makes you strive to be successful can be your own pride which does not necessarily come from the best intentions or focus on the feelings of others. "Success" may not be something that runs in a lot of families but this is something that we need to ask: What is "Success" to them? Maybe they feel that they are successful for holding a job and raising a family where as others success derives from money and material things. Who knows? All I can reflect and be grateful for are those who do care for my wellness and unconditionally love me despite the childish nature of what love and fun used to be to me. Unlike many, I would not expect people to feel sorry for me when I know I made the bed I lay in everyday and would never use my unfortunate past or mental condition to get attention. Common people will serve money and government and not God in this Nation. The idea of what America should be and what it has become is so off base, somewhere between slavery and war the "dream" got off track. There is enough negativity that holds me down everyday and would rather not have pity be one of them. May I ignore those who find it so easy to ignore me and move past those who do not forgive or understand because these are the truly unfortunate. Here are two reflections of photos I snapped in addition to quotes added.

Death by Right, Love by Choice.